Thursday, December 1, 2011

Therapy Post

Today has been 'one of those days' and so I'm utilizing this blog for a therapy post.

It is late, I'm tired and sleep deprived... so I'll probably feel dumb posting this later, but for right now, as I'm being kept up by a defiant two year old, it is what I'm going to do to make myself feel better.

I don't know what it was about today that made it so crummy, could have been:
-that I woke up with an upset stomach (didn't I just get the pleasure of food poisoning!)
-that both girls were cranky and not listening well
-that the hour I had to take a nap while my dough rised was ruined by one little girl who refused to go to sleep (until right before I had to get up to finish the rolls)
-that I spent ALL afternoon getting rolls ready for the bake sale that, 1. didn't turn out right and 2. I didn't get finished in time to deliver them for the bake sale (the WHOLE point!)
-that I spilled every possible thing on the floor while baking all day!
-that the girls destroyed the house while I worked all day in the kitchen
-that I was just exhausted from two consecutive late, late nights
-that I realized I had forgotten to drop off Sarah's preschool tuition that morning
-that I had to wake the girls early from their nap
-that the girls whined and fussed all the way to help dad pick up some cells from a nearby lab
-that I was late getting dinner delivered for my dinner swap group
-that the girls spilled water ALL over the car, and the dinners on the drive to deliver the meals
-that it was a battle to get Abby to eat anything
-that Abby broke a hand mirror in the bathroom
-that Ryan has to work late in the lab, so I have to miss my "book club" tonight
-that I laid in bed with Abby for an hour and a half only to have her NOT fall asleep at bed time
-or that I just wasted a hunk of dough because I took all day to get to it and it was all dried out
-or that I'm sitting on the couch when I should be cleaning up my very messy house, but have a lil' night owl next to me who just wants to snuggle...
and I feel guilty that I don't want to and just want her to go. to. bed!

Wow... that is a long list... and then I sit here and think for a minute. 
I am so blessed.
Lately I have been an emotional wreck, in fact I opted to not read my "book club's" selection this month because emotionally I didn't think I could handle it (it was about the Rwanda Genocide)
I think about all of the sweet, dear people in my life who are facing so much worse than spilt water in the car in their lives. Sometimes I feel like I can't handle all of the sad things that are happening to those around me (and I'm not really affected by it directly, but I just get so sad for them). I hear stories in the news that just make me want to cry. There is so much heartache in the world, and here I am letting the small stuff get to me. *sigh*

I'll blame it on hormones, or sleep deprivation... or the lack of chocolate in the house.

I don't even know where I am going with this, or if anyone is even reading this still...
I guess the only thing that I can do is to make a list of some of the stuff I am grateful for.
-my family
-a call from my sister when I was at the peak of my stress day (the moment I realized my rolls were blah and timed poorly)
-that I have two very sweet little girls... hope they don't look back on their childhood and only remember days like today where mom is blitz and can't control her temper
-that I have music in my home, a talented husband and lil girls who love to sing all day long
-crumbs on the floor, dirty dishes in the sink (or everywhere really)... because it means we have food on the table to eat
-dear sweet friends who do so much for me
-having my mom respond to my text with a phone call... it was so nice to hear her voice after a day like today
-for this glass of egg nog... yum!
-for the sweet lil' words of a two year old, "Mommy wait! I love you. Snuggle on the couch?"
-that I still have at least four weeks until the baby comes to finish all of my crazy projects
-for a sweet note from my hubby apologizing for having to work late and not being able to help out tonight
-that I didn't have heart burn for three whole days after my bout of food poisoning...silver lining
-that the cold/cough I had a few weeks ago ended quickly and didn't turn into bronchitis
-that tomorrow is Friday and I don't have to go anywhere or do anything if I don't want to

There are so many things that I am grateful for... but my eyelids are feeling heavy and my heart is feeling lighter from unloading a little. I'd say this was a therapy post that did its magic.

Here's to tomorrow and a day that will be much, much better. 
Now to convince this lil' Abby bug that she is tired too...


Ryan Stephenson said...

I hope that we can balance out today with lots of good days soon. I'm sorry your day was so miserable sweetie.

Em said...

Dear Liz -
Sleep is SO SO SO important for moms. And pregnant ones especially! It is not something frivolous to want or need more sleep in order to have a good day. It took me a long time to learn I had to be serious about sleep. And when my kids aren't cooperating about sleep they no longer get a nice and wishy washy mom. I've had to let them know that it's a no-compromise zone. If they won't sleep then that's fine, but they have to stay in their beds or else the (clearly stated before hand, and consistently enforced, and often repeated as a reminder) consequences come out.

Now I'm just working on getting them to stay in bed in the morning until I'm out of the shower. Can you imagine, if I got enough sleep AND I was showered and dressed before my kids were unleashed in the morning, I think I could TAKE ON THE WORLD.

But seriously, while it's important to keep your frustrations in perspective, don't overdo it with minimizing them. When so much of your day is frustrations then to say that your frustrations don't matter is to say that your entire day didn't matter. You were frustrated, you did deal with a tremendous amount of entropy, and by the end of the day you looked at what you'd tried to accomplish and nothing panned out. You're emotionally dealing with the lack of control you have over things that you feel like you should be able to control. It's genuinely frustrating because it's those sort of days that make the full-time-mom gig feel rather less-than-fulfilling. And an unfulfilled mom is a big deal. So feel validated. And know that not every day turns out that way. And GET MORE SLEEP.

The end.

Brooke said...

Writing is a great way to process things. Glad to hear you're unwinding a bit; hope tomorrow will be better for you!

(Eat scones for me!)

hotbutteredpopcorn said...

I love you sweetheart. It is comforting to realize that there are lots more delightful days than there are dark ones. Glad to see you are able to make that connection as well. Sleep does rule the hormonal universe!

Ash said...

Awe Liz:( I'm sorry you felt like that. You may not have accomplished what you planned to but you were there for 2 little girls who needed extra attention from their mama and so it threw all the things you had to do for others off. When I have days like these I take a step back and look at what I did right and not at everything I did wrong. Makes ya feel a whole lot better.:) Even if it's something as small as writing this blog post to let the other moms like me know that everybody has those bad days. And I don't watch the news, it's way to sad. I think just being a mom makes you over emotional. Have you ever read "The secret life of bee's"? There is a character in that book that takes the sadness in the world and mourns it as if it were her own. She has a wall called the wailing wall. So many days I feel like her. Hope today is a lazy care free best kind of day EVER! Love ya! (:

Aden and Jamie said...

I think therapy posts are just fine. Write away. I know bad days are NOT fun but these last few weeks I have realized that the bad days make the good days seem so much better. It doesn't make the bad days any easier though.... :( I can't believe how sleep deprived you have been. I look at the times you do your status updates and it looks like you get like 5 hours of sleep a night. Crazy!! I wasn't even as far along pregnant as you and I couldn't peel my butt off the couch. So good for you for being so ambitious and getting so many projects done. You put the rest of us to shame!

Deb said...

Oh I'm sorry you had a horrible day! I hate feeling like that - where the small things pile up and make me upset and then I feel totally guilty for doing so because our lives aren't that bad. It sucks. Anyway, at our girl's night on Thursday (as you were probably writing this) we talked a lot about you, and how we missed the annual gingerbread night, and how amazing and talented you are, and how we don't understand how you do all the stuff you do! I hope Friday and Saturday have been better for you. Love ya.

Gwendolyn said...

Liz, sometimes it's good to hear that other people feel this way too. I've had an entire week like this, dealing with the dog, Karter's school, training at work and I've been an emotional wreck all week (and I'm not even pregnant!). Then I also think about how blessed I really am and how much harder some have it. It makes you feel ungrateful but I think everybody gets to have those days. We can't be shiny, happy people all the time! :)
You are amazing and I wonder how you do all that you do (like Deb said, the other night we were all wondering that). Love ya, hope you got a lazy day and are feeling better!

Lizzie said...

Oh I am blessed with such wonderful friends. Thank you for all of your kind words and support! It seems now that it wasn't such a bad day, but when you are tired and emotional it is hard to keep anything in perspective. I'm glad I have all you sweet people to keep my spirits up. Love you!

Sarah J. said...

OH my heck! And I thought I was having a bad day that day! You poor thing! If I was well I would have dashed over there in a second! And in spite of it all you find things to be thankful for. You are amazing Liz!